Affin Bank Berhad...

Leading Affin Bank's family trip to kl Genting is quite challenging. As alot of problems happening! First, bus came late, second, tv broke down, third, bus leaking water while raining, forth, drivers are not familiar with kl ways. Fortunately all them do not realise. I covered it with my 'wisdom', as my brother asked me to settle it wisely. Sigh... I don't know what will happen on tomorrow... Dear god, please bless me.. Do not let anything happen. I'm scared!

Exhaustion...

近来一直带团,竟然感觉有点不能适应.首先是睡眠不足!这是我的致命伤,因为...我为此昨晚又流鼻血了!但没告诉他,怕他担心.我原本打算在这两个星期内好好休养的,但电话却响不停!而且一大早就得见客户了!睡迟点都不行!早点睡呢,却有堆积如山的工作!
我的身体的肌肉都僵硬得像机器人!每一处的肌肉都蹦得很紧,无论做什么都不行...
最可怕的是,精神不能集中,压力越抑制,越不能负荷!好恐怖啊!!!

sacrifications for growing up...

grown up and work, dont need to suffer for studying...

guess this is what teenagers and kids will think...i had this kinda thought once also... but now, wish time could turn back... i had paid for so much for growing up... i cant afford to give up anything now... need time to recover, at least 2 weeks... am still sick... sad.. nose allergy is attacking...

往事只能回味…

刚睡醒时看到了尤雅大姐演唱会的广告，很不经意地唱了伊人的成名曲「往事只能回味」，很自然地，我也想起了一幕幕的往事…

当我还小的时候，老妈很爱唱这首歌曲，而我也常听。当然，我完全体会不了那种意境。

现在我能体会那意境了，这也意味着我已长大了！
　
Part 1

往事只能回味…

刚睡醒时看到了尤雅大姐演唱会的广告，很不经意地唱了伊人的成名曲「往事只能回味」，很自然地，我也想起了一幕幕的往事…

当我还小的时候，老妈很爱唱这首歌曲，而我也常听。当然，我完全体会不了那种意境。

现在我能体会那意境了，这也意味着我已长大了！
　
Part 1

sickness...

i am sick again... heavy flu...why i always being attacked by flu? hate flu... i even hate those aunties who are too free to gossip around. don't even know what the heck is in their brain! hatred makes me angry, but i try to hold my temper. i wanna be a good EQ manager. so stressed for these few weeks, and have to go through the stress till the end of this year... don't know when can get over this illness, started to ill since middle of september.

hungry now... not yet go for lunch. rushing quotation...

i don't understand why some people can act like nothing happened after the harmness he brought to other? the world is really unfair to everyone. some still live nicely after hurting people, some, live unhappily, even he brings no harm to people... really unfair... i dont wanna change anything that is existing, i just want a fair life... where all people will get rewarded or punished accordingly... i feel selfish people always live better than other type of people, and selfish people bring most harm... only those kind hearted people will get bullied... why? thought the world has justice, but in fact, no, i mean NO! fed up... nothing will cheer me, just follow the old steps and go on my life in this way... i tried to fight, i tried to protest, i tried to object, all comes to nothing... fed up, really fed up with everything, guess it's time to accept what is coming... no point to fight, i won't win in this battle for forever, so what for? sad... feeling so suffer to accept, but other than accept, i have no more way to go...

sleepy mood...

A
maybe because i slept too late last night, now darn sleepy... deleting some photos in my friendster. i kept uploading photos b4, now have to delete it. and i wanna fresh up my friendster photos. already bored with the recent photos...


B
eye is dried, nose is itchy, having cough, running nose, eye itchy, nosebleed, and flu, all are caused by the stupid indonesia fire! now in sitiawan, u may look like in genting, but the weather is super duper hot!! now i have to wear mask to go out, else, nosebleed... so sad...


C
now i am the redecorating my office stage, replacing new posters, placing hanging mobiles, brochures, itineraries, cleaning work and more... so tire... next monday going out for tour again. stressed...


D
why i have to go through all this? i am sad... after all these hurts, i feel like i am almost numb d... can anyone help me?

心情的记录...

第一篇

现在在路途上，车上除了我，还有三十三位即将升上中学的小六生。没错！我正在工作，带领着这批小六生开始他们的毕业旅行！他们会不会因兴奋而睡不着？我不知。但我自己却因紧张而失眠了！或许我已太久没有带领小六生了，所以一直很压力！

第二篇

前阵子去了本国的著名避署高原，发生了一件不可思议的事！一向来入住酒店都很谨慎的我，偏偏就在当天忘了一些禁忌；也因为这次的疏忽，我碰到毕生难忘的经历！

当天，我和朋友出去喝酒，直至半夜才回房。我一人住。由于太疲累了，我竟然不到五分钟就睡着了！睡着睡着，朦朦胧胧之中好像有人把我摇醒，然后我就听到房门外有手推车的声音；我也不当一回事，因为我满脑子的睡虫一直叫睡觉。

“砰”

忽然间好像有人将手推车很用力地撞上我房门，把我惊醒！我心里很好奇，但也敌不过睡虫的呼唤，又倒下睡着了…

后来，这情况持续发生了四次，我就觉得不对劲，想了想，就换床位。换了床位，感觉似乎比较好了。但那声音依旧困扰着我！我知道这样继续下去绝对不是办法，就念了一段佛经，果然那声音已没那么频密地发出，直至我把佛经念完，声音也消失了…

supernatural ncident in highlands...

i went to highlands on the 3 october, staying overnight there. at the middle of the night, when i was sleeping, i heard a sound of heavy trolley moving. it's alike the sound of the room service trolley was moving, then suddenly the trolley bumped on my room door! i was shocked and jumped up from my bed! after that, no more sound. and i continued sleeping... and not longer than 30 minutes, the sound came again! again, i was awakened! i was so angry! and thought to go out and scold the next room. but after another thought, i decided to change bed... but after i changed bed, the sound was still there to disturb me. i realised that something shouldn't happen is happening!! i sat up and read dharma in my heart silently... after i finished the dharma, the sound disappeared! i was so scared, but my tiredness controlled me and i fell asleeped again... it's my true experience, believe it or not? it's up to you!

anger...

why everytime must become like this?

we are only cousin, why she always demands for more?? can't we just stay at where we are? is it that hard to be cousin? everytime when she asks me question, my answer is always the same!! why she still wanna ask me? when i answer, she is sad. what for? happy?

i hate people to be like this!! i know that she loves me, since i was 15 year-old. but please, give me a break!! that doesn't mean that i must love her!! and we are cousin some more!! what the heck she is up to? when i meet her, she says i give her hope; when i don't meet her, she says i hate her and leave her! can she just give me a break??

then only it'll be fair for all of us!! US!! means i, my LG, she, and her husband!!

sadness...

sigh... last night i had the biggest argument with the dearest 1. we never quarrelled... just i protested with silence... i didn't speak any words, i just kept crying... cried for almost 30 minutes... i used my phone to sms my dearest 1, though i was on phone with my dearest 1... cos i couldn't speak... sad... but now ok already... now no more sadness...

没有你的两天...

when you told me that you will be busy for these 2 days, i was really sad... why? i had been expecting for weekend for the past week, because i can talk to you for whole day... that is what i am looking for... now u tell me u will be busy for 2 days?? i am lost... sad...

meeting...!!??

i went to meet for someone, someone who is very importnant in my life... but due to timing problem, we could only meet for 12 hours and 25 minutes... so sad...

anger...

don't know why, suddenly i feel so angry!! i don't know what am i angry at, but for sure i am not angry at my dear BB (LG)!!

sadness...

frens are moving out from sunway, now sunway UNITE no longer exist... so sad... no more laughters in sunway pyramid... bad feeling... this feeling drags my happiness down! last night i went to my doc, he told me that my blood pressure return back to normal level! but now i've got no mood... sad...

mixed feelings...

... sad + angry + jealous + envy + hatred + love + confused + numb ...

... sad ...
is because my dearest 1 kept something from me...

... angry ...
is because my dearest 1 hid something from me...

... jealous ...
is because i am not the only one in my dearest 1's heart...

... envy ...
is because i thought i am the most important 1 for my dearest...

... hatred ...
is because i hate the "someone" in my dearest 1's heart...

... love ...
is because i love my dearest 1...

... confused ...
is because in my dearest 1's heart, i am not the only one...

... numb ...
is because i feel no hunger...

my promise to you...

I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS!! I HOPE YOU CAN BEAR THIS IN YOUR MIND...

sadness...

i thought we really have no secret in between us... sigh... now i feel so bad and sad... why would ths happen? i wish i could turn back the time and take back all the questions i asked. now, i feel so chaos... am i really the one you love? i am doubting... though deep down inside my heart i know that you really love, i can't stop myself from comparing me to "someone". i know i shouldn't compare myself to "someone", but i really hope that i am your only one...

now, i also don't know what to say or what to do... i spent whole morning doing nothing, just sit right infront of computer and updating my blog... this is the only place i feel free to write whatever i wanna write... before this morning, you were my best audience, but now, i also doubt...

i am so sorry for being too sensitive all the time, but do you know that when you told me that you had sprained your leg, how worry was i? guess you will never know... you always tell me that you are tired, you are sleepy, my heart is so painful. but do you ever know that, i really hope that i can be there and schedule your time for you? everytime i get angry easily when you told me how late you slept, or how busy you are, do you know why? gues none will know. i feel like my care to you is more than you can afford, and it's becoming burden to you... i love you, i don't want you to go on your life with this heavy burden. i really don't want!! i am so sorry...

i am thinking, if without me, your life might be more colorful, cos i always stop you from doing this and doing that... i am so selfish... but believe me, i really love you, and i only want the best for you... but i scared my care will be too much for you... i am sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry... I LOVE YOU!!

honestly, i had few relationship before, but i never took it seriously, because i don't believe that unselfish love would exist... and i don't really trust in any relationships... but now i am totally different. because i had met you... my life has changed, i am now very serious in our relationship... if you wanna go for a better man, i won't and can't stop you, because, i want only the best for you... really...

lazy...

hmmmm... lately i am so lazy, not meaning lazy to work, just that i find it's quite hard for me to concentrate... i always fall asleeped when i am sms~ing with my dearest 1... i always lose my concentrate whole talking to frens...

i don't really know what is happening... but one thing for sure, i had made my dearest 1 sad for my sleepiness... so bad... i am sorry... really sorry... i love my BB... cute BB... understanding BB... nice BB... caring BB... tak malu de BB... kind BB... helpful BB...

SaRangHe...

i always think of this word, cos someone always says so to me... not only says, but sang me too!! happy ar!!

Going out...

已经有一段日子没在晚上到那儿喝茶了！一到那儿，员工们都来打招呼，很热情地问为什么这么久没到那儿，感觉很像见到久违不见的老朋友！

和往常一样，大声说、大声笑，很怀念这样的生活方式，曾几何时，那儿是我和朋友见面的地方。随着年龄增长，我们开始有了自己的事业或学业，也渐渐少联络了…工作的工作，念书的就忙着考试，大家也少碰面了！曾经说过的FOREVER FRIEND，现在也没什么联络了！

当初真的以为可以一起走在身边直到永远，现在发现随着年龄增长，距离也产生了！无论是否走在一起，也失去了意义…

不知是否因为年龄增加了，现在的我开始爱胡思乱想了！但愿一切都是我的错觉而已！

现在的我，感觉就像在春天里的蜜蜂，活在花儿盛开的季节，有采不完的花蜜，好幸福啊！这要感谢某人！某人，谢谢你！我真的很珍惜你的存在！如果不是因为你，我就像是生活在冬天的蜜蜂了！

我爱听你唱歌，我爱听你说话，我爱听你呼吸，我爱看你微笑，我爱看你脸庞，我爱看你眼睛，我爱看你撒娇，我爱看、爱听、爱分享你的一切一切！你是我生活的色彩、调味、一切一切！我想念你！

Special thanks to...

This post is 4my special 1, LG..

LG, hubby loves u so much! & hubby feels so proud & blessed cos having an understanding LG here v me.. No matter wut happens, u'll give me 100% support without any doubts.. Hubby is so happy... LG, promise me, no matter wut happens, pls don't leave me... Hubby'll promise 2love u 100% v my heart! Hubby loves LG... Muaks!

LG, don't care what other ppl think or say about us... We're our own, need not bother about them, k? LG, this is da 1st time i write this! Love u!

my sorrow...

i am now numb again... i feel bad, but i try not to feel so, as my LG said i cannot say so. so now i am numb again! cos i don't wanna make him sad...

last night talked on phone with LG again, and i realised 1 thing! that i have not over ah lai yet... i am now with my LG, but still i am thinking of ah lai. it's not fair to my LG... i told LG, but LG said nothing and he was so calm as he knows i won't leave him for sure! and he cried, cos he misses me so much... i feel sorry to him! really SORRY!! whenever he needs me, i never be there for him... i am so SORRY!!

wish 2 yrs will pass very fast....!!

sorry...

i feel sorry to my dearest one... i always make him sad and worry... i never bring him any laughters or happiness... i feel like i am so weary! useless! stupid!

i never really make him happy or laugh in this duration i know him... i feel sorry and ashamed... but why i can bring laughters to friends, not him??? who can please answer me??

day by day, i feel my sorrow grows... LG, i love you, but i dont know how to take care of you... and i never know how to make you happy... for the days you know me, you had only sad and worries on me... i am really sorry... and i always say something that make you feel sad... sorry, i am really sorry... i love you...

LG, thanks for your generousity! you always share my sadness and tears... sorry... i will try to promise to make you happier, ok? i am so sorry.....

my precious one...

my precious one, my tiny one,
lay down your pretty head in my arm,

my dearest one, my darling one,
don't let your eye soak in tears,

my cherished one, my weary one,
give your sadness to me,

my srecious one, my little one,
i want you to walk out from your past...

mixed feeling...

why people in my life are always late? can't you all just make it on time? please? but now it doesn't matter at all!! because i had had someone special in my life... a someone who can take my tears and pain, who can share my laughters and contentment! he will share everything with me, for sure, i don't even have to ask him... i know him for sure!!! we are happy to have each other...

dear friends of mine, no matter you bless me or not, i will still be with him... just i need your bless, if you are generous...

my feeling...

my tears was here,
just for thy sadness,

my laughters was shared,
by thy kindness,

my sadness was gone,
with thy cares,

my happiness has reached,
with thee's here,

no matter how hot the sun is,
i will still be happy with thee's here,
no matter how cloudy the day is,
my day will still be with the sun,
as thy caring to me,
a never ending caring.

shall i compare thy caring to the restless sun?
NO! thy care never even rest in the night!
or in the rainy and cloudy days!

shall i compare thee to the caring persons who had passed by?
NO! thee are the nicest and most caring,
the person who i never met before!

thee took away my tears,
with thy happiness,

thee took away my sadness,
with thy appearance,

thee brought back the joy to my life,
and took away all the hurts,

thee and i are meant to be together,
till the end of the world comes...

happy days with tears and joys...

i cry,

but not for my sadness,

i smile,

with all the joys i bear,

i'm sad,

just for his sadness,

i'm happy,

just for his happiness,

now, i am no longer all by myself, i have my dear one in my consideration... all my life is not about him, but about US!! dear friends of mine, please bless us!!

Memorable days...

自从我认识祥祥之后，我的世界不再只是阴天而已了…我的世界开始有了色彩！
　
啊！恋爱真的会令人变得快乐、幸福！
　
一切一切都来得很突然！认识他、我们的承诺、我们的约定、我们的一切一切都在短时间内发生。刚开始，我还怀疑自己。直到我和他第一次的约会！一切都变得明朗化了！我要他，他要我；我爱他，他爱我；我需要他，他也需要我，我们都不能够失去对方！而在我们第一次约会，我们尝试了被人以冷漠的眼神盯着，但我告诉祥祥，我们并不是为他们而活。我们只要彼此相爱，一切问题已不再是问题了！
　
我们之间不单单只有快乐的时光，当然也有互相猜忌怀疑的时候。但只要我坦率地告诉他，他就会相信我！
　
我很庆幸，因为有了他之后，一切已改变了！
　
我很对不起他。因为我们是长距离恋情！

happiness + sadness ...

why would this happen on me???

Oh my God...

是不是因为老天可怜我，所以才会给我安排这场惊喜？我一路走来都觉得自己很孤独、寂寞，而且自己所经历的一切都是那么的不堪回首以及心酸！我以为自己得一辈子都这样下去了…
　
但是，自从我遇到他，一切都变了！虽然认识只有短短的几天，但一切一切都那么美好！虽然差不多每次讲电话都哭，但都没有悲伤的回忆或伤害。每次只有无限的温馨和快乐围绕着我们！我原来没被世界遗忘！原来世界还有人关心我多过关心自己！样样事都会为我设想考虑，我活了二十一年，除了我家人外，没人会这么地关心我！
　
此刻的我是多么的幸福啊！

bad mood...

sigh.... feel bad....

suffering...

if i tell you i had lost my SPM Sijil, who among you will believe in me? to be very honest, i did lose my SPM Sijil... so now for my application of OPEN UNIVERSITY will be harder, as i need to go to Kementerian Peperiksaan Malaysia in Putrajaya to get a new 1... how ar.....?

wanna cry, everytime like this, when i need something, i must have dropped it somewhere or lost it. now, again!! wanna cry ar...

application for OPEN UNIVERSITY...

i was thinking to continue my studies in marketing... i tried to approach few colleges about distant learning... i asked ah lai for suggestions, he told me if i enrol in colleges, it's kinda like wasting time and money. ah lai advised me to go with Uni. ah lai is taking Master in Marketing in UM. i never knew ah lai is taking course in Uni. OMG!! i never imagined that i would go apply for uni in my entire life. but after listening to those colleges's courses, i had to admit that i need to take course in Uni as colleges don't provide Distant Learning... so, i tried to apply from UM, as they have Sales and Marketing Course. but it is so bad, because they don't have distant learning... fortunately that nice girl advised me to approach Open Uni... hmmmm... i called, they do have distant learning, but they don't have Sales or Marketing course. they only Diploma in Management. so, i applied for this course. they have marketing, but only degree in Marketing and they need 5 yrs working experience.. i only have 3 yrs working experience... so i had no other choice... now, i am thinking about this Diploma in Management only. hopefully can get this offer. by the way, i am now rushing my accounting course... i hope can finish this before i go on my Uni course, but it is impossible. as i need to start from the beginning of my course cos we stopped for 6 months already... need to do revision to recall my knowledge for accounting...

When there comes high expectations, disappointments always follows... P2

忽然间，我期待奇迹发生在我身上！我不介意成为懦弱的人，有时懦弱有懦弱的好处，只我之前会觉得不屑而已！现在我终于明白了，人若太坚强，就得自己面对一切！不单只自己的一切，而且还要让朋友依靠；久而久之，朋友、家人就会觉得自己已经够坚强去面对所有了！那时，就算自己就快垮了，大家还是会认为自己可以应付而不会担心或关心！刚开始自己还暗爽，觉得大家都相信自己，但过后就后悔了…原来自己已被遗忘了！自己要面对自己的喜怒哀乐、自己要走过低潮，一切一切都要自己经历！我已经累了，不想再成为一个坚强的人！
　
懦弱的人至少也有朋友一起走出低潮，寂寞时有朋友伸出手等等，这就是我现在需要的！我好想宠容自己不要这么坚强，但是我亲爱的他却永远都那么坚强、特出，我总不能当个窝囊废而让他瞧不起我！我一定要用功！！
　
所以现在我要一边努力地向我的目标前进，一边努力等待奇迹的人！！！

serious thought...

yesterday talked to shin ying in MSN, suddenly i had a very serious thought...

am i right for being like this? do i really have to be like this? am i that cheap? am i doing the right thing? will my ah lai take my seriously? will my ah lai appreciate what have i done for?

who can answer these? only 1 person, not me, but my ah lai! so, to get a satisfied reply, i asked my ah lai... but if i have known the answers, i wouldn't ask my ah lai... because my ah lai gave me the curious answer... but one thing for sure. i am too serious, maybe i should say i am over reacted...

now, i am still left in these bunches of questions... sigh... who can help me? i can, but why am i still stuck in here? because i never want to help myself... shin ying is right...

miracles...

sigh...

why i always start my blog with "sigh"? i myself also don't know... but i always spill my unhappy stuffs here... because i find myself very hard to trust anyone... hmmm... not in the mood to write blog...

When there comes high expectations, disappointments always follows...

“希望越高，失望越高”

曾几何时，我听说过这句俗语，我只嗤了一声，心里想着，如果人没有了希望，哪来那么多奇迹？我们的生活不是充满着希望和奇迹吗？我们也不是等待着奇迹吗？

现在我才明白“希望越高，失望越高”这句话，或许我应该说，体验！我也发现奇迹是在绝望时才会发生的！也只有绝望、无助又懦弱的人才会等待得到奇迹！

我想了想，我还是不要有希望、也不要等待奇迹好了！
　
To be continued...

Why?

我亲爱的，你可知道我是多么的需要你吗？
　
每当我需要你时，你总在忙！从来都没有正视过你对我的重要性！每次我都满怀期望地等待你回复，等着等着，等到我心平静气，还是没有回复，接着我就满怀怒火地发脾气，最后还得低声下气地跟你道歉！你还是没回复……我常常质疑自己，这一切是为了什么？你从没告诉我，我在你心目中的位置，到底算是什么？
　
当你开心时，也是我最开心的时刻了！因为你会说一句淡淡然，而关心我的话！我会为了那句话开心最少三天！可能你会觉得我很夸张，但我告诉你，我的同事总说我很容易满足！我也承认，而我对你的生气，从不会超过一小时！但当你不开心、不理我时，我恨不得一口把你吃下肚子！但我舍不得……

因为……
　
我已无可救药地爱上你了！！

the wheel of fortune works...

though alot of bad things happen lately, last night finally had a good thing happened on me, maybe i shouldn't say last night only... but last night i was too happy till i felt hard to asleep...

hehehehe...

what had happened actually? hmmmm... my ah lai said something which i never expected my ah lai would say it to me... yay!!

thanks...

you will never know, when you had walked out from my life, now my life is only in a mess...

i never wake up at 7.00am anymore,
my phone never receives any messages in the morning anymore,
none will listen to whar i had dane or met in the day anymore,

i miss you, as much as i need you, but will you ever know? i bet you will never know... because you never take me serious... you said you had paid for what had you done, but do you know that, i had paid even more? since after your message, all bad things ssuddenly followed me and made me almost being beaten down! well, i never blame you, because i know we shouldn't cross the borderline... i really know, but i just couldn't help myself from being going to you... really... now, i become more moody... i wish, i never lose you... but wish is always a wish, it helps nothing...

no topic...

feeling everything is going back to its trail now... feeling better... i guess it's because i had a long talk with SY... now refreshed!!

p/s : I wanna name myself as Wiinshen, ok ar?

WhERe aRE YoUR ProMiSeS...

you promised me to take a good care of me... you promised me to look after me as your pet... now you suddenly gone, how about our promises???

when i told you, i am envy with my brother's pet, pong pong, because everyone loves and pampers her. and everyones cares for her. you said, you wanna pet me, wanna take care of me and love me... i said ok... because i really believed in you... and now, suddenly you gone with the wind, what shall i do with all your promises?? what can i do??

after you left, all things came in a mess... my phone is stolen, had big argument wih my dad, a very loyal and sincere friend told me that he lied me since he has known me. and i was acting like an idiot! a damned fool idiot!! i just can't help myself, just exactly as last time!! and this is what shin ying told me before!! "kee wang, when you feel for someone, you will always get yourself into trouble. you never know how to be in the middle!!" i always say, "no, i won't repeat this!!" but everytime, i repeat! see, how useless am i?

now, i don't know how do i really feel... just numb and curiousty...

God, please answer me!!

老天，如果你不帮我也没关系！可是为什么你还要落井下石呢？为什么？？？！！！
难道我就是该死吗？
坏事一件一件的发生！你是怕我崩溃不了吗？？告诉你，我崩溃了！你开心、满意了吗？？
我快放弃了！！

GOD, save me please...

i am sinking, i am choking, i am dying...

oh my Lord, can you please borrow me your helping hand?

i thought you have the biggest love of all?

but why do you leave me in all these pains?

numb...

don't ask me how do i feel now... what i can tell about my feeling now is, NUMB... totally NUMB!! feeling like lost! really! don't ask me why do i feel numb... i have nothing to tell... because i have no mood to tell now, maybe few days later i will get better...

this morning, i was expecting messages from you, from 7am, i waited until 10am... i really hate to admit, but i have to, we are no more friends... we will not hear any ups and downs from each other anymore... i also have place to vomit and spread all my bad emotions... i lost a best ear to listen to my craps... i lost a caring and loving friend... i have no more right to talk to you either... you will not care how am i today... i feel like everything, everything is now a mess... i need you to organise me, to bug me, to mumble me, to scold me stupid and more... but now it's all impossible... IMPOSSIBLE!!

i cried, i hated, i scolded, i begged, i yelled and more, but still, you will not come back to me anymore... you will just go on without me, bugging around you, you may feel released... but for me, i feel bad... because i need someone to mumble me all the time for what i do... but now no more... so bad...

...

i thought i have no demand on you, i really thought!

but now, i realised that, i always want you to be with me, is a demand. i mean, not want you sitting by my side! but just wanna receive your messages daily! but this is also a demand, i didn't realise this! but when you said you wanna walk out from my life, on that moments onwards, i only realised that, this is a demand! really a demand!!

i cried, while i was deleting all your messages from my handphone. i never realised that i relied on you so much! as much as i can't imagine! can you imagine how do i feel now? i guess you won't!! you will never know how i feel for you in the rest of your life! i think you will think i am one of thousands pieces of your puzzles, with or without me, it doesn't even mean anything! but you mean alot to me!

now, no matter how much i say, you will not come back! and i don't want you to feel bad! do you believe in me? i guess you will never...

我的挚爱

我觉得自己被人利用了！但这只是我的直觉，并没有什么证据。
　
我所谓的那个人就是一个我可敬、可亲、可爱的一个人！我可谓是为他做了很多连想都没想过的事！
　
我没想过值得不值得。当时我知道我不应该对他有所要求的，但现在...我控制不了自己，我经常忍不住向他发莫名其妙的脾气！我也常不照顾自己，弄到他担心！我真的不知为什么，真的！
　
如果你看到这篇心情日记，请原谅我的无理取闹！我真的无法不对你动心！你的一切一切总是让我为你痴狂！无可自救地爱上了你了！但是，我知道我们都是不应该这样子的！
　
在此，我唯有祝福你！
　
挚爱的你，请你一定要比我幸福喔！

speechless...

feeling helpless, feeling breathless, feeling useless!!

why do i have to face all these bad feelings? is it because i am a bad guy, then i will have to go through all this bad moments? is it a punnishment? oh my god!! what the bad thing i had done, till You wanna punnish me in this way??

Happiness?

我不知为什么最近我会变得无理取闹！我一直为了小事而大发雷霆啊！我很懊恼！
　
原本以为和祖的那段感情所带来的伤害已经结束了，谁知我到今天还念着他！但是他要的我永远都给不到！永远！而和他在一起应该是很幸福的，都怪我自己不好！除了祖，EK也是让我沉浸在被爱之中！但我还是伤害了他！
　
我这辈子永远都不会忘记这两个人的！

sick?? yeah, i am...

God da**ed!! i am sick!! why am i so weak?? always sick!! shit!!

i wanna recover!! donot wanna get sick!!

i wanna cast this spell on someone...

i wanna cast this spell on the "someone",

"the person who i offend
who i also misunderstand
the wish of my heart
wants u to listen to my heart"

i am sorry...

lame me....

who on earth will believe that i bought a pda, but i donot kno how to use google search!!??

hahaha.... how funny it sounds, but i tell u, it's true!!

if u still donot believe in me, u can ask lim shin ying!! go on and ask her!!

she searched all the info for me! and i did not know how to search even!!!

slow heat person...

i never admit that i am slow heat person, but today, i have to admit it! though i hate to be an slow heat person!

hmmmm....

these few days i am quite happy. workload is reducing, freetime is getting more. but only 1 thing i donot really like about, which is pong pong stays with me. why? because my brother is in china now. he goes there for his honey moon trip. sigh.... i have to look after for their daughter! pity me, now pong pong listens only to me! oh my god! i worry when my brother comes back, pong pong forgets him already!! hahaha....

one bad things, i have nose allergy, then every night after playing with her, i will have running nose!! the second morning still continue!! until afternoon, only recover, then after that, suffer again!! oh my god!!

yay!! one happiest thing, is, my brother is coming back tomorrow!! thank god!!

confusion!!??

hmmmm....

now i become a totally bad guy! i did all the bad things! but am i really bad? i think so! cos i am always a bad guy and always do bad things. but this is the first time i feel sorry...

hmmmm....

don't know why my senior dislikes my ah lai so much! though i am the victim, i never even blame him. but my senior told me that my ah lai is not an ideal guy for me. i don't know, and i refuse to know. i kno friends might say i am coward, cos i dare not ta face the truth...

YES, I AM COWARD! so how? did i get around and suck your blood? pls... let me rest in peace, with my coward character...

the person i feel for, doesn't feel for me; the person feels for me isn't the person i feel for him! what a HUGE joke? it really sets me down... i can't control my own life! is this the meaning of life? is it??

can anyone offers me his / her helping hand to guide or pull me out? pls...

i don't believe in flying angels, but i believe in earth angels! many people around are the earth angels! but, can anyone just simply borrows me his / her hand? pls...? or maybe a hug?

happy?? birthday

生日如期般过了。。。也得到了我的金锁匙，还得到了额外的礼物啊，祝福啊等等的！

应该是满开心的。但。。。有点失落了，因为我长大了！

我不能再像从前一般的任性地花钱了。要好好计划我的未来，要好像阿赖那样，二十七岁就有自己的汽车了，二十九岁就有屋子！我一定要以阿赖为榜样！

无所事事的日子只可以过多一个月，之后，我就要改头换面了！

哈哈哈哈哈哈

希望真能如此！

days with pong pong ...

hmmm.... i didnt know when did my brother buy a pomeranian puppy.... but this pomeranian came to my house on saturday's night, when i was having a very serious headache when was sleeping... suddenly i heard a puppy's barking. i woke up straightly and walked out from my room to see what was going on...

then, it was the first time i saw her, pomeranian puppy... very de cute!!! but honestly, i love pets, but i dont reli like to keep them. cos i worry i cant be a good owner to look after them, so i never wanted to buy pets.

on sunday, my brother went out for whole day. so i fed her... and played with her... haha... very funny, but noisy... once i left her for a while, she kept barking till i went her... aiyo... then at nighttime, i played with her with my brother and sister in law. she kept coming to me. cos she found i am familiar already... hehehe... my sister in law was jealous...

on monday, i brought her to my office as my brother was in johor, so none was in home, so i had to take her to my office. at around 4pm, my brother called and told me her name, PONG PONG, what a funny name. but as long as her daddy likes it, i have nothing to say... later when i was home at around 7pm, i let her out to walk for a while... later i kept her in room... she laid on my arm, suddenly my phone was ringing, it was ai lim,

"hey, tmrw i might be going to singapore already, can we come out and hang around for a while?"

"ok ar, i will contact soo yee and jia chyi then."

"see u then."

then i called soo yee and jia chyi. they both were ok with the suggestion. so i was worrying, should i take pong pong out with me? or should i just let her home? hmmm....

i guess she knew my situation... so she just slept thr, i kept her in cage and she didnt even bark. suddenly i felt very sorry to her... i worried it would bark when i go out...

whole night i was thinking of her... later when i was home, i released her out from cage. she was happy and i played with her for a short while as i was very sleepy... then i left her and went on bed... hmmmm.... she knew i was sleepy and she did not even bark and went to sleep again... how thoughtful she is...

the second morning was tuesday, which is yesterday. i got up at 7.15am. she saw me and ran here and thr, very happy... i played with her for a while, then fed her... settled feeding her, i kept her at the outside cage. then i took my shower. she didnt protest, just sitting thr waiting for me. when i was done, i put her in cage, she protested and kept barking... i thought she wanna pee or what, so i released her. she just sat on the floor... i tried to cape her, but she refused, so i sat and waited for her to go in the cage. around 20 minutes later, i kept her in and took her out. the whole day i kept her in the cage. she barked to protest, but i just ignored her as i was hyper busy...

when i was home, i let her run for a short while. then i kept her in room again. i played with her for a long while this time, as i felt sorry for caping her whole day... so she played with me happily. then i felt sleepy, she was sleepy too... so we slept la, she laid on my arm...

finally her daddy and mummy was home, i was, reliefed!! thank god!!

after that 3 days, my nose allergy attacked again!! i was having running nose since last night... sigh...

doubt...

am i really happy?

happy...

i feel released! after telling myself to let it over. now i am happy!!

what if...

here i stand alone with this weight upon my heart
and it will not go away
in my head i keep on looking back
right back to the start
wondering what and why would it make it change

well i try but i had to cross the line
and still this question keeps on spinning in my mind

this is what i feel recently!!!

20060503

raining day...

it rains since this morning... it's really a very refreshing day! i love rainy day! but last night was so bad...

i sent few messages since 5pm to my dear, but no delivery reports. i didn't know what happened, and i dared not to call, cos maybe my dear was in a meeting or what, so i just kept worrying. at around 2200 something, i tried to call, but couldn't get through... i was, from worried to scared. until 2323 hour, i received a message from my dear, telling was busy having a meeting with superior and supplier... oh my god!!!

these few days don't know why i suddenly become hyper sensitive, i mean emotional... sigh... poor senior, cos my senior has to take all my bad emotions... hehe... but my senior never complaints... how nice!!

wedding's trick!

tmrw it's ai lim weeding's ceremony. she asked me to think how to grab "lai si" from her husband... hmmm... i dont reli know about this... so i called to ask my frens... i found, all my fren are cruel... abnormal... i feel chilled... do i reli need to do this? haha... of course i will!! just for fun ma... wakakakakaka... so good!! tmrw can grab "lai si", hope it will lead me closer to my dear... haha... i need some "luck" to get closer to my dear... hopefully can get!!

why? why? why???

Why you wanna say sorry to me? Do you know how much you hurt me? Your words hurt me. Though it hurts, you will never know your “sorry” hurt me even much! You blurted a word that hurt me so much, I thought this would be the end in between us. But why would you say sorry to me? I thought my tears were dried up already… who knew, when you said sorry, I couldn’t hold my tears… are you meant? Or you planned it? I am scared, and worried… When can I get over you? When?

love is...

不要錯過身邊愛妳的人..


看到一個深愛著你的人為你而改變，因為愛你，他收起他的頑固脾氣；因為愛你，他把你的興趣也變成是他的興趣。喜歡一個人是沒有原因的，他無悔的付出，都認為是值得的，只要能和相愛的人在一起。其實我們的身邊都有一些這樣的人，只是我們還沒發現，最懂你的人，總是會一直的在你身邊守護你，不讓你有一絲的委屈；真正愛你的人，不會說許多愛你的話，卻會做許多愛你的事。如果你身邊有這樣的人的話，請你好好珍惜....常因為你的小體貼而感動，如果你一直對我好，我可能就會喜歡你，喜歡你的我，會毫不保留的付出，天真的認為有天你就會懂。女生的心很容易受傷，所以我不輕易說出口，假如期望落空了，傷心難過很不好受，總希望你先說，如果你也猶豫不決，或許我們就這樣錯過，再來後悔為何當初不說。摘不到的星星，總是最閃亮的，溜掉的小魚，總是最美麗的。錯過的電影，總是最好看的，失去的情人，總是最懂我的。這世界上，每一個人都有個想要尋找的人，這個人，錯過了，就再也找不回來。如果愛上，就不要輕易放過機會。莽撞，可能使你後悔一陣子；怯懦，卻可能使你一輩子後悔。沒有經歷過愛情的人生是不完整的，沒有經歷過痛苦的愛情是不深...

days after relationship...

days into relationship was really suffering... maybe it just because i had bumped into wrong person... feeling tired to be another "me", totally different from my character...

i have a very strong character, as i know my stand and my borderline very much, but i pushed myself to tolenrate with ek... then, ended up, we splitted... it hurt so much, and i didn't really wanna split up with ek, but, i must to. i don't wanna hurt ek more... seiw yee told me, "short pain is better than long torture". i made up my mind, not to drag ek's time. so we ended up nicely...

headache...

oh my god, oh my god, oh my GOD!!!
i am having serious headache everyday!!!
taking pain killer everyday!!!
argh!!!
when can i get rid of this suffer?
i am going to see vick very soon again!!!
that day i went sunway pyramid, i saw him, yea, it's vick!!! oh my god, he was so friendly!!!
this 31/03/2006 i am going to see him, with my friend's help, i guess to get his signature is as easy as ABC...
yeah!!!!!!!!
hip hip hooray!!!!

home alone...

my family is in thailand now... leaving me alone...
actually i chose to stay back. i hate to travel now...
yay! on 20/03/2006 my k750i will come back to me already...
i have quite lot of things need to do... but i don't know where to start...
now what i wanna do is just go home and continue sleeping... last night i talked in phone with chin chin till 3.00am... giving her some idea on her final year assignment... thank god, at least i can help her...
SLEEPY...

bad moments...

sigh... the longer i talk to EK, the wound is getting worse... i am doubting myself, am i really the one for EK?

i thought i had met a right person, but seems like EK had met the wrong guy... i am too childish, i am not stable, i act like kid, i speak like kid, can't hold my temper, i don't have a good time management, i spend too much money, i always speak nonsense...

i am nothing comparing to EK... EK is nice, patient, and more... am i really the one?

sigh...

20060304

last night was a very unhappy memory...

firstly, i stood melissa up... i went dinner with family, then my mum wanted to go to ceria... so i sent her lo... had to stand melissa up...

secondly, i had had a crash with soon seng. actually it's not crash.. just a very tiny disappointment i had... cos he had totally forgotten what he had promised me before. though it's a very tiny thing, but i always hope friends would remember even a tiny promise... i dislike disappointments... but why it always happens? sigh... my friend said, guys only remember their promise to their beloved ones; but when their love for her is less, they will be lazy to keep their promises already... she said she read it on books... can anyone tell me is it a true?

i wanna keep some distance with him already... cos i dislike people who fail to keep their promise! that's why i always have new friends, then have new, and so on...

happy...

yesterday LIM SHIN YING received her gigantic card! wahaha... she was touched! and she said she likes the card! yay!! at least she appreciates what i made her...

in my memory, i only made her cried for don't know 1 or 2 times... don't get me wrong... her tears was tear of happiness! i never made any girl cried! haha...

hope that she feels what i feel for her as friend, i appreciate het alot! ALOT! i mean it!

sweet days...

hmmm...

concerning to this title above, i wanna tell my friends that i am blessed for all what i have now! i have fellow friends, who always there for me; i have understanding family, who always share my problem!

i had made 2 more great new friends! they are chuan jye & soon seng. chuan jye is a weird person (hope he doesn't read this).. he acts weird, but he also cares for me... how sweet... soon seng is a very special friend of mine, because his birthday is on 22/05/1987. though he is 2 years younger than i, but we were born on same date! so glad! i treat him as my little brother! i always sms with him... he is a art student, full of creativities! thanks to him, else i don't know how long LIM SHIN YING birthday cards had to be in pending list... with his idea, i came out the Lord of the card! the biggest ever card in my own creations! this big thingy is troublesome! cos i don't know how to send it to LIM SHIN YING... sigh... but i still showed it to soon seng, cos he told me to come out a very big card, with big designation on it. last night i showed him... haha... happy...

talking about friends, this year is the 11th year of my friendship with LIM SHIN YING. we knew each other on standard 5, in 5A. our friendship started there... in this 11 years, we had gone through ups and downs, agreements and disagreements, understandings and misunderstandings, sweets, salties, bitter sweets, souries, and hots... i appreciate her for her helps through my down, and doubt moments, without her help, i wouldn't be standing here with recent achievements... without her, i won't be who i am now... it's very hard to maintain a friendship, but my friendship with her is natural. no FAKES.. we spill whatever we feel, we talk whatever we want, no fake, just the very true feelings... simple, but sincere... she is a very special friend of mine!! thank god, for sending his angel to me!

about angels, i have another angel friend without wings... she is joyce... about her, i had talked alot in my blog. anyways, i wanna show my gratitude to her for her kindness... thank you, joyce!

soo yee, chin chin, pi wei, yuk tien, lieh wei, ler wai, poh kuen are all my "white lighter". they guided me alot, so that i didn't bump into dead end...

20060228

days are busy now, fortunately i still have fellow friends being with me! thank god!

20060123

days are boring and kiling me... beginning of the year are always bored, nothing other than account updating... but fortunately last week i went ipoh and putrajaya with my second eldest brother, so i passed my times at least not sitting in office only...

i went ipoh cos my brother sent his car for maintainance in the workshop at ipoh, which is the only workshop i can sit there and wait for whole day. cos there has a part timer, who is very quiet and patient. he is always repairing whenever i reach there. talk less but work hard.

went putrajaya was to collect some document from government department. i drove from sitiawan to bidor, then my brother drove... firstly we went PWTC for TDC. then we headed to putrajaya... i went there for first time, all those buildings are unique. each building is designed by different designer... i waited there for around 3 hours in LPKP (Government's service), doing quite excited cos i went up and down to take photos... some more i spotted a very, very handsome guy there... i snapped his photo secretly... it's really exciting! he sat there quietly, waiting for his brother... i went downstairs to the lobby there, just to snap the sofa set i saw when i first stepped in. very nice and comfortable... then i snapped the leisure corner in the building, 1 of 9 bridges in putrajaya. very unique! i acted like a "tree man". kept snapping photos!

CNY is coming. i wanna go for my hair treatment, manicure, pedicure, new cloths (in fact i already bought 2 set), new shoes, new watch, and food... but no $! sigh... days without $ are really pity... torturing me... in new year, i hope i can re - visit 2 places, which are Pulau Redang and Kuching... i hope i can visit Putrajaya for few more times during this year!

wishing for Joyce's carrier, health and wealth! and wishing everyone a prosperous new year...

20060103...

I was quite busy in office. Making payments, banking cheques, collecting payments, updating accountings and blah blah blah… happiest thing happened this morning! That secure boy’s back in position already! I thought he quitted his job already! Haha… glad…
I love Kenji’s songs! Nice, cute and sincere! He’s really talented! He wrote all songs himself which I feel they’re very nice! My colleague bought me that CD for X’mas! Haha… nice album! Nice songs! Nice looking! Nice guys! I love him so much! I also support local music industry! I bought Daniel’s album too! Quite nice! His voice is very unique! Really unique! Customers called up…

kong...

Went watching king kong just now. Very impressive! I love that heroine a lot! When I first saw her in the movie, I felt she’s so decent and gorgeous! I love her blue eye. Oh ya, the feeling is as if when I first saw Legolas in LOTR, very refreshing! But I am not happy with the ending! Why would kong die? Why didn’t Carl die? It’s very unfair! It’s human who brought kong to mew york; it’s human who offended kong first; it’s human attacked kong first! Else, kong wouldn’t attack any of them! They should have just sent kong back to the “skull Island”! Too bad! I shed tears when kong’s dead! By the way, who is that heroine? Can anyone tell me please?
0013 03/01/2006